Trans Racial Adoption Support Group!

Last night our family attended a trans racial adoption support group. The subject of the meeting was "How to Navigate the African American Community as a Non-African American Family". This was our first time at this group. It was a very interesting time! It is always fun to be in such a diverse group of people, who all share a passion for kids and adoption, particularly trans racial adoption. We discussed our experiences as multi ethnic families, and discussed ways to help our kids create genuine relationships with people who share their racial heritage. Many topics were discussed including: school choice(diversity and academics as key points), mentoring opportunities(black fraternities and sororities as resources), social groups, travel, and local events(BlackEXPO, etc.) Many of the things we discussed were part of our foster parent training and other workshops and classes we have taken. However, one thing that I had never given much thought to are the black colleges. Living in California we do not have any black colleges. However, there are tours for highschool students that will take them to visit several black colleges when they are ready for that. It is something I know nothing about, but plan on looking into before my kids are ready for that. Since the kids are only 2 and 4, I have a little time. I also realized how great it is to live in a diverse neighborhood with excellent schools nearby. Many in the group had to leave their neighborhoods to find diversity.

One thing that stood out for me during the conversations was that I really do enjoy being with people who are nothing like me. It is good to hear another perspective, even if we don't agree or see things the same way! I feel enriched as a person when I spend time in dialogue with people who are open, genuine and passionate about their kids!

The "funny" things people say...

The "funny" things people say...still catch me by surprise! In a multi ethnic family, you get a lot of off the cuff comments from strangers. Most people don't intend to be hurtful or rude, they just aren't aware of the impact of their words.

Today, I took the kids to the mall to buy my daughter some pants. When we were at the register paying, the cashier asked "Are you babysitting?" I replied, "Nope, they're all mine!" and smiled at her. "Oh, they are a lot of different ages" she continued, "at least you don't have a newborn too!" I just looked at her picked up my bag and left. It isn't her naivete that annoyed me, it is the attitude that the LAST thing we need is a baby. As we walked away, the kids and I talked about how she didn't know we are waiting for a baby. That we are all excited about it, and think it is great!

It is a huge responsibility to constantly help the kids deal with the attitudes and comments from strangers. This was a very innocent example, but a good reminder about the need to help my kids learn how to respond to strangers. I always talk about the situation with the kids after it happens, so we can all learn from it. Sometimes I handle things well, but not always. I am still caught off guard sometimes. I try to talk with the kids about the person's possible motives, and better ways we could have handled things. If we did a good job, we talk about what went well.

My social worker suggested the "W.I.S.E. UP Powerbook" which is put out by The Center for Adoption Support and Education,inc. It is an awesome resource to help empower kids deal with questions and comments from strangers and friends. It has also helped me!! It is worth a look.

So, for other families dealing with this same issue, I wish you well! And for any family that I have inadvertently hurt with my own naive words...I am truly sorry.