I'M BACK!!

I feel like I should make some sort of announcement! After having been sick for most of December, I am finally feeling better. I have been thinking about blogging and missing it, but I simply haven't had the energy. (A new baby adds to this!)
So, today is New Years' Eve. We are having a quiet afternoon. It is a nice way to end the year! Brian made chili. I made applesauce from apples we bought at the farmers' market. The older kids are reading their new books, and all three of the little ones are napping! (I consider that a miracle!)
I hope your ends and the new one begins with peace!

Board Games!

Yesterday, I played Sorry with Isaac and Camille!

Given their ages(2 and 4), I use the word played very loosely. We have been playing card games like Uno Attack, for some time now. It is a game we can all play together even though our kids' ages vary so much. Over Thanksgiving weekend, Grandma K. taught all the kids how to play War and Crazy Eights, both fun as well. Isaac does really well with all of the card games, but has recently discovered our stash of board games(much to his delight)!

So, here we are, playing Sorry!
(Notice how few pieces are on the board. My patience was not going to last though a real game, so I only gave them half the pieces! This actually worked well, and the game went by much more quickly!)

Baby J. lounged next to me on a pillow sucking on his hands!

Today it was back to the board games for Isaac. This time we waited until Camille was napping. We played Dinosaur Monopoly(or a modified version anyways)! We had a great time together.

What will tomorrow hold? I am not sure, but I have a feeling Candyland is in my future!

Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I am so thankful for so much! I really love this time of year because it causes me to slow down and think about what I am truly thankful for. My relationship with God, my husband, family, friends, and so much more! We will be spending a few days with my in-laws, and we are looking forward to a great time! Have a very blessed holiday!

Risk?

So, earlier this week I was talking with someone about the baby, and I mentioned he is the riskiest placement of all our kids. After I said this, it didn't sit well in my spirit. In fact, I haven't been able to get it off my mind. I understand that according to the view of the world, this is a riskier placement than our other children we have adopted. But my perspective is not supposed to be that OF THE WORLD! We (my husband and I) prayed a lot before pursuing an adoption of our fifth child, and we have sought God's leading every step of the way. I feel confident that God is leading us down this road of adoption. That being said, I know He is with us on our journey. So, does God leading you down a particular path guarantee it will be easy or go the way you want it to go? I don't think that is what the Bible says. It is wrong to assume that because God is in your life, or leading you in a particular direction that everything will be perfect, and turn out the way you expect it to. I think we should be praying for the situations in our life to go according to God's plan. Sometimes that will be a hard road for us to walk, but He promises to walk with us, to carry our burdens and to comfort us. I do want the baby to be our son forever, but if that isn't God's will I know He will be with us through our grief(I do not take this lightly). None of us are guaranteed another day with our children, we need to hold them with an open hand, knowing the true hands that hold them are our heavenly fathers'. I know God loves our baby and has the best plan for him in mind. I am praying that I get to be part of that plan for a long time. So, is it risky to walk in faith and do what you believe God is calling you to do even though it may not turn out the way you would prefer? I don't think so. It sounds like a cliche', but I do think it would be riskier to choose to ignore God's leading and go my own way. Maybe it isn't a question of risk, but of obedience. Am I willing to walk in obedience even the road may hold heartbreak? I pray that my answer will always be YES!


All of that being said, I feel that I must make it clear why we have chosen not to share our newest sons name on the blog yet. We have decided to wait until his court date that will terminate the services being offered to his birth mother. It is at this point that his permanency plan will be adoption, and we will begin to move forward with our part of the process. So, until then, we will keep you guessing!

He's Home!

It has been such a busy, crazy, chaotic week! We met the baby on Wednesday, and brought him home on Friday. He is such a wonderful baby, and I feel so blessed that God would have him be my son.
The other kids were so excited to see him, that when we got home they were almost unable to contain themselves. It is fun to watch the kids welcome him so quickly and completely into our home and family. Elise had to give him his first bottle, and the little ones keep asking to hold him. We will be working to set boundaries for the babies safety and sanity! Tonight Aidan picked the place on the couch next to where the baby was sleeping. It was sweet to see him talk to the baby and give him a pacifier when he started fussing. I am so happy there hasn't been any jealousy, so far, only total excitement!
Soon, I will post some pictures and write more about how God is continuing to amaze me! Now, however, I am tired and will be headed to bed for some sleep(at least until bottle time)!

It's a Boy!!

So, we said YES! We will have a one hour visit with the baby on Wednesday, and if everything goes well we will bring him home on Friday!! It is hard to wait so long to meet him, but our social workers are out of the office until then! I gotta go... there's so much to get done before he comes home!!

We Got A Call!!

Yeah! Today, we got a call about a little boy to consider for placement. He was born in mid August, which makes him almost three months old! We are so excited! We will meet with his placement worker and our home study worker for what is called a disclosure meeting. At this time all known information about him and his birth parents will be disclosed to us. Then, we will make a final decision about whether or not to accept placement.
God is so funny! I got the call in the middle of my fasting and prayer time, which can only be a God thing. However, we still need prayer in the decision making process. We don't want to enter into parenting any child lightly, but instead we want to go forward in prayer with God's leading! I know what my heart says, but I want to hear God's voice and obey him in all things. If this is the child He has for us, please pray we will know it, and if he isn't, that we would know that too!
This is also exciting because it is less than a month since our home study was approved. I am so impatient, but God is always gracious to me!
I'll Keep you posted!

Pastor Straton and Fasting!

After reading "Red Letters" by Tom Davis, I have been thinking about the suggestion made in the book to fast and pray for those suffering from AIDS. I have been thinking about it, but I haven't really done anything. Today, I picked up the book and as I was thumbing through it came across the section on fasting again. I was convicted about my lack of motivation to pray! Then, I came across this video. I hope you will take the time to watch it. I found it encouraging. I will fast and pray, once a week until I feel God lead me to do otherwise. Mondays will be my regular day for this, but I feel led to commit tomorrow to the Lord! I also want to find out what is going on in my area for those affected with AIDS. I don't hear about it in the news anymore, but I know that people and families are still affected. Is there something local I can do to help those here in my community? I will do some research and see what I come up with!

Please turn off the music before watching the video!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SUJOcRU-_w

In the video, Pastor Straton talks about the kids who are left not only orphaned, but also HIV+. This is heart breaking, to say the least. The doors are opening for some of these kids to be adopted, and brought here to the US. Please consider this for your own family, or you can help fund the adoption of an HIV+ child into another loving, forever family. At least, pray about how God might use you, and let Him surprise you with the answer!!

Autumn Fun!

Delicious Autumn!

My very soul is wedded to it,
and if I were a bird
I would fly about the earth
seeking the successive autumns.

George Elliot

I love fall! It is by far my favorite season!! Today, I made fall play dough. Never heard of this? I hadn't either, but I saw a recipe in a magazine at the doctors' office and decided to try it at home. Since I didn't get the exact recipe I just made cooked play dough and added pumpkin pie spice, cinnamon, ginger and cloves. It did take quite a bit of seasoning! I also tried to make it orange, so I added red and yellow food coloring. It turned out great! It looks just like pumpkin pie and smells like it too!

I see Camille needs more practice holding her scissors correctly!

Isaac has such a sweet smile on his face!

Elise made a pumpkin pie! It smelled delicious!

Hopewalks and Serna Village!

We had such a great weekend! On Saturday we walked for the second annual HOPEWALKS: A Promise to the Children of the Epidemic (our second year, too!). It was a walk to raise funds for organizations working to share Jesus and meet the needs of children and families affected by the AIDS, poverty and child slavery. It is really awesome to participate in something that will bless kids on the other side of the planet. It is also cool to be able to do it as a family! It isn't always easy to find places to serve with the kids, especially when their ages are spread out like ours. Aidan, our oldest son, isn't in the picture because he was serving as a volunteer at the event! We went to church that night still wearing our shirts, and a friend commented that we were dressed alike. I think it is the one day a year that all six of us dress alike. How FUN!!

On Sunday afternoon, we went as a family to Serna Village to participate in the outreach with the kids and families. It was the second time in one weekend that we were able to serve together as a family! I don't think there is much better than working alongside your kids and husband to bring Jesus to those who don't know Him yet! We had a great time. I worked in the kitchen and served lunch, while Brian played games with the kids and youth. Our kids simply joined in with the kids from the village, and Elise is building friendships with some girls her own age. This week a performer came and sang, danced and did magic tricks for the families. It was a really fun show! Everything he did related back to Jesus in some way, so , it was fun and meaningful at the same time.

I continue to be amazed by the kids at Serna Village. They really do have my heart. It was nice to see some familiar faces, and continue to build relationships with them. I know it takes some time, but please pray that God will bless all the volunteers with the ability to grow friendships quickly. Pray also for the boldness I need to speak up when the opportunity presents itself, both at Serna Village and in my everyday life with friends and neighbors.


I found this informational video about Serna Village. It was done by the local newspaper. It gives a little glimpse into what the transitional housing facility is about.

Serna Village information video: http://www.sacbee.com/995/story/533823.html

Trans Racial Adoption Support Group!

Last night our family attended a trans racial adoption support group. The subject of the meeting was "How to Navigate the African American Community as a Non-African American Family". This was our first time at this group. It was a very interesting time! It is always fun to be in such a diverse group of people, who all share a passion for kids and adoption, particularly trans racial adoption. We discussed our experiences as multi ethnic families, and discussed ways to help our kids create genuine relationships with people who share their racial heritage. Many topics were discussed including: school choice(diversity and academics as key points), mentoring opportunities(black fraternities and sororities as resources), social groups, travel, and local events(BlackEXPO, etc.) Many of the things we discussed were part of our foster parent training and other workshops and classes we have taken. However, one thing that I had never given much thought to are the black colleges. Living in California we do not have any black colleges. However, there are tours for highschool students that will take them to visit several black colleges when they are ready for that. It is something I know nothing about, but plan on looking into before my kids are ready for that. Since the kids are only 2 and 4, I have a little time. I also realized how great it is to live in a diverse neighborhood with excellent schools nearby. Many in the group had to leave their neighborhoods to find diversity.

One thing that stood out for me during the conversations was that I really do enjoy being with people who are nothing like me. It is good to hear another perspective, even if we don't agree or see things the same way! I feel enriched as a person when I spend time in dialogue with people who are open, genuine and passionate about their kids!

OUR HOUSE

Our House
By Edgar Guest

We play at our house and have all sorts of fun,
An’ there’s always a game when supper is done;
An’ at our house there’s marks on the walls an’ the stairs,
An’ some terrible scratches on some of the chairs;
An’ ma says that our house is surely a fright,
But pa and I say that our house is all right.

At our house we laugh an’ we sing an’ we shout,
An’ whirl all the chairs and the tables about,
An’ I rassle my pa an’ I get him down too,
An’ he’s all out of breath when the fightin’ is through;
Am’ ma says our house is surely a sight,
But pa an’ I say that our house is all right.

I’ve been to houses with pa where I had
To sit in a chair like a good little lad,
An’ there wasn’t a mark on the walls an’ the chairs,
An’ the stuff that we have couldn’t come up to theirs;
An’ pa said to ma that for all of their joy
He wouldn’t change places and give up his boy.

They never have races nor rassles nor fights.
Coz they have no children to play with at nights;
An’ their walls are all clean and their curtains hang straight,
An’ everthing’s shiny an’ right up to date;
But pa says with all of its racket an’ fuss,
He’d rather by far live at our house with us.

I read this poem today, and just had to laugh! I can relate to the mother in this poem lately. In fact, just this past weekend, the kids pulled on the curtain and yanked one end of the rod out of the wall! I was so mad! It was easily fixed and no real damage done, but sometimes I just want things to look nice. With a large family, the "stuff" in our life gets a lot of use.

I am also thankful for husband who has fun with our kids, even if I would often call it rough housing.

And given the choice, I would also choose our house with all of its racket an' fuss!

Fall Family Fair

Yesterday, my husband and I went to the Fall Family Fair. It is a cooperative effort of local county agencies and the State Department of Children's Services to match families with children waiting to be adopted from foster care. There are no children present, but social workers bring profiles of available kids/sibling groups for prospective adoptive parents to look at. We were there mainly because our social worker wanted to introduce us to two other workers in our county. One is the placement coordinator and the other is the concurrent placement worker(places many infants who are concurrently in adoptions and reunification services until court hearings decide their status). It was a blessing to be introduced to these women right after our home study was completed, and now maybe I can begin to see God's timing in things. These are the women, along with our social worker, who will decide which child to present to us. What an awesome responsibility they hold in their jobs: creating and building families!!
While we were at the fair, my husband picked up a stack of profiles to read. It was at this moment that I realized how mixed my feelings were about being at the fair. I didn't want to see the faces of these adorable kids. Once you see their profiles, look at their pictures and read their stories, they are no longer just a statistic. They become real kids-orphans- living without any sense of permanency or a forever family. I know it doesn't do any good to close my eyes to the reality that is before me, so I read some profiles and my heart was broken for these kids again. Last night I prayed for the kids I saw, the faces that are sticking in my mind even now as I write this blog. I know that prayer is the best gift I can give these kids right now, but my heart longs to do more.
After much prayer, we don't feel that God is leading us to an older child adoption right now. Sibling groups in foster care and waiting to be adopted still tug at our hearts. We were both really close with our own siblings and see how close our own kids are to each other. Our hearts still lean toward foster care in the future. Only God knows what He has in store for our family! I look forward to this journey-with God leading the way!

The "funny" things people say...

The "funny" things people say...still catch me by surprise! In a multi ethnic family, you get a lot of off the cuff comments from strangers. Most people don't intend to be hurtful or rude, they just aren't aware of the impact of their words.

Today, I took the kids to the mall to buy my daughter some pants. When we were at the register paying, the cashier asked "Are you babysitting?" I replied, "Nope, they're all mine!" and smiled at her. "Oh, they are a lot of different ages" she continued, "at least you don't have a newborn too!" I just looked at her picked up my bag and left. It isn't her naivete that annoyed me, it is the attitude that the LAST thing we need is a baby. As we walked away, the kids and I talked about how she didn't know we are waiting for a baby. That we are all excited about it, and think it is great!

It is a huge responsibility to constantly help the kids deal with the attitudes and comments from strangers. This was a very innocent example, but a good reminder about the need to help my kids learn how to respond to strangers. I always talk about the situation with the kids after it happens, so we can all learn from it. Sometimes I handle things well, but not always. I am still caught off guard sometimes. I try to talk with the kids about the person's possible motives, and better ways we could have handled things. If we did a good job, we talk about what went well.

My social worker suggested the "W.I.S.E. UP Powerbook" which is put out by The Center for Adoption Support and Education,inc. It is an awesome resource to help empower kids deal with questions and comments from strangers and friends. It has also helped me!! It is worth a look.

So, for other families dealing with this same issue, I wish you well! And for any family that I have inadvertently hurt with my own naive words...I am truly sorry.

Adoption Process Update!

Some trust in chariots and some in horses,

but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

Psalm 20:7

I memorized this verse about a year ago for a Bible study I was doing. At the time, it seemed like a strange verse to commit to memory, but since the whole group was doing it, I did too. God is so funny, he knew a year ago that today I would be so encouraged by this verse. He knew that I needed this written on my heart so that He could remind me of it when I was feeling discouraged earlier this morning. (If you don't memorize scripture, I would like to encourage you to give it a try!) I was feeling a little frustrated after speaking with our home study worker. Our home study was originally supposed to done six weeks ago. It has been put on hold as our worker has had other, more pressing, things come up. I posted earlier that I know God is bigger than the system and paperwork will not stop His perfect timing. But this morning I was discouraged. It sometimes seems as though my family is in the hands of very well meaning social workers, who are under paid and severely overworked. However, as this was my train of thought, God brought Psalm 20:7 to mind. He revealed to me a different meaning of the verse than I had originally thought. It says some trust in horses and chariots. These are a means to an end, a way of getting somewhere. God reminded me that the county is like the horses and chariots in the verse. It is simply a means to get where He is taking me and our family. I am not to mistakenly put my trust in the vehicle, but keep my eyes, my hope and trust where it belongs, with Him!

So, the good news is that our home study will be done in time for us to attend a local family fair next Thursday. This is an opportunity for child placement workers in our region to showcase children waiting for adoption, and connect with potential adoptive families. This is a really emotional event for me(we've been to two in the past) because the children break my heart. Most of the children are older, which isn't what we see working with our family right now. We plan on keeping the birth sequence of our kids, unless God leads us to do otherwise.

So, things are progressing! Our home study is almost done! And, most importantly, my trust is back where it belongs...In God!

An Introduction: Red Letters Campaign

I have decided to to try something a little out of my comfort zone. I am going to blog as an Adoption Journalist for the Red Letters Campaign website. The links have been here on my blog for a little while now, but now my blog will be linked on the RLC website. This is a step of faith for me because I began my blog as a way to journal my thoughts and feelings more for my own benefit than for anyone who might read it. So now, using my blog as a platform to share what Jesus has done in my life and continues to do as we follow Him in the Adoption Process is both exciting and scary. So, if you haven't yet checked out the links to the Red Letters Campaign, please do so. Tom Davis' book, Red Letters, is also a book I completely recommend.

Now, if you are new to my blog, let me introduce myself. My name is Staci. I love Jesus! (That is probably the most important thing I could say about myself.) I have been married for 16 years to a wonderful guy, and we have four kids(so far!!). They are Aidan(12), Elise(9), Isaac(4), and Camille(2). We have two bio kids, and two adopted kids. We are also in the process of adopting our fifth child. We are a foster/adopt family and have adopted through our county here in California. We have had a great experience, and I have learned a lot about about both foster care and adoption. We are also a multi-ethnic family built through transracial adoption.

With all that in mind, I love being a mom. Our family has so much fun together, I am so thankful that God has brought me this family! I am not perfect, and neither is my family. We make plenty of mistakes, but we are learning along the way. Also, I don't want to imply that the way I do things is the only way. I seek God and try to follow the way He is leading me, my only advice is for you to seek Him for yourself. I have learned a lot, hopefully some of it will be helpful to others, but I certainly don't know everything. I look forward to learning more about God, myself, my family and adoption as I continue to walk down this road.

Transitional Housing Outreach!

So, a couple of Sundays ago, I find myself at church alone. (This is HUGE, given I tend to be shy in large groups!) It was ministry fair weekend, which means all the various ministies available at church have a table so people can get to know them and find a place to connect or serve. During the worship time I was thinking about how I would love to find a place to serve where all my passions can come under one roof, so to speak. Just then the name of a local transitional housing facility in our area came to mind. I knew our church partnered with them in some way, but I was not really sure how. So, after the service I went looking to see if they had a ministry table, and of course, they did. God is so good, and speaks so clear sometimes!! As I approached the table the woman who introduced herself to me was wearing a "Ask me about Serna Village" T-shirt. We talked and she explained the monthly outreach, and I knew it was a God Thing that I had come to church (even though Brian couldn't) and not missed the ministry fair!

Once a month, a small group of people go to Serna Village to build relationships with and serve the residents in the name of Jesus. This happens as a meal is shared, and friendships are made. Games and crafts are done with the kids while the adults do other activities. It is an awesome opportunity to serve people who need to hear how much God loves them!! The people who live at Serna Village are transitioning out of homeless and/or drug and alcohol addiction. Many of the kids have been in foster care, and are now in reunification with their birth parents. In case you aren't sure what to think of this, IT IS AWESOME!! This is a crucial time in the lives of these families and, as the body of Christ, we need to step up, love them, serve them, support them and point them to Jesus!

I decided to take Elise with me the first time, since Brian and Aidan needed to be elsewhere. We showed up not really knowing what to expect, but ready to serve wherever the need was. We ended up working with the kids on crafts. It was such a great time! The kids are just great, and it was nice to be able to share with them while working on creative projects. Elise was so much help, and had a great attitude the whole time, even picking up garbage and cleaning up afterwards. We plan to go back and continue to serve as a family.

Now, as I pray, I have specific faces and names to lift up. One girl in particular broke my heart, not only for her, but for her mother. As we were making picture frames she told me one of the frames she was painting was for her mom to put a picture of her kids that have been adopted. She told me she her mom had a couple of kids younger than herself that were adopted. I told her that her mom would love it, and it would be very special to her. Even though I wanted too, I didn't cry!! I have two kids adopted out of the foster care system here locally. I really have a passion for these families. I know the best place for these kids is with their birth families, if they are able to pull themselves together and adequately parent their kids. My heart is with these mothers, and I want to support them and pray for them and their kids as they are reuniting and taking on the responsibility of parenting. I also understand from the adoptive parent side that kids are the biggest blessings in your life, whether born to you biologically or adopted. I pray for the birth families of my children regularly. I know God wants them as His own children. I hope someone will see beyond their "stuff" and love them to Jesus.

I know that the time spent at Serna Village is well spent. It is time spent loving families and kids and parents in Jesus' name. I can't wait to go back!

My Heart is at Home Book Study

Today I began a new women's group at church. We are reading and discussing the book, My Heart is at Home, by Jill Savage. I think it will be a great time of growth for all of us. The subtitle on the book is "Becoming the Intentional Mom Your Family Needs". I just knew God was leading me to this group, because it fits so well with the direction He has been leading me lately: simplify things, focus on my home and dig deeper into the Word. I love the idea of becoming more intentional in my mothering, and look forward to seeing where God is taking me.

After we introduced ourselves, we shared what we loved about motherhood and an area we could use help and prayer. This is an amazing group of women! I was so humbled by the requests that were shared. The needs ranged from typical parenting issues, to serious marital issues and personal struggles. I was confronted again with my own struggle with transparency. As each woman opened up, I was challenged to open up myself. (I was one of the first to share, but I know the opportunity for transparency will come again!) In my Bible reading today I came across these verses:

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

Matthew 5:14-16

God reminded me that I am to let His light shine through me. When I am not open and transparent with people, it is like I have a dirty lamp. The light is there and it is shinning, but the dirt makes the lamp less effective. Please do not take this as a theology lesson, just hear the main point. I am less effective at letting Jesus' light shine in my life when I hold back parts of who I am from the people around me. This is not how I want to live, so I will again get on my knees and ask for help in an area I keep stumbling over.

Garden Helpers!

Today I had some help in the garden. Isaac, Camille and I removed some old tomato plants,

and prepared the bed for new fall vegetables.

The kids even helped me turn over the soil to get it ready for planting.
With all this "help" it was a fun morning. It is funny though how God always uses the kids to teach me something. As we were working, I was thinking about how much easier this job would be without the "help". I know that it is the right thing to do to have the kids help me with the work around the house, so that is why I do it. It is not easier. Then God reminded me of a saying I heard a while back that goes something like this: "The right thing is rarely ever the easy thing." Wouldn't you agree that this is true? I have often found that the right thing to do is the harder option given a choice.

So, as I gardened with the little ones, I prayed that God would lead me in the way everlasting, and give me the courage to do the right thing and follow Him even when it is hard, or requires more of me. I don't want to look back at my life and regret not having made the right choices because I wanted to take the easy way.

Haiti

I am not even sure what to say about this. I know that as I watched this video clip my heart was broken. Why does our media not cover this? I have heard Haiti was hard hit by the hurricanes, but this video reminds me that these are people. Everyone who has been killed or injured is someones son, daughter, mother, father, sister or brother. God promises us to walk with us even when things are hard, or tragic. Do these people know that God is crying with them, wanting to hold them, comfort them and give them the peace of eternal life? I don't know. Here is the link. It is for mature audiences, but it is also reality. Are we mature enough for the reality of what is going on around the world? Seek what God would have you do after watching this. Donate to a reputable organization that is meeting needs and preaching Jesus in Haiti. Pray for Haiti. Go online and get informed about the realities people are facing in the world. Get involved and do something. As for me, I am going to start with praying for Haiti(and actually doing it!), and see how else God might lead me to get involved.
http://www.miamiherald.com/multimedia/slideshows/090808_haiti_floods/

Camille's Adoption Day!!

Today is Camille's Adoption Day!! In our family we celebrate the anniversary of each child's legal adoption as a family day. We are so blessed to have each of the kids, and Adoption Day reminds myself and them that God is good and has put us together as a family. Each of us being vitally important to the whole, with a special emphasis on the one whose adoption we are celebrating. It is like the anniversary of our wedding, we are remembering one of the most important days in our lives!!



So, here is Camille! She is two and a half, very articulate and full of spunk. When I think about adoption, I tend to think about what it means to me personally as a mom and parent. However, today while the kids were eating popsicles and swimming, I was thinking about adoption as it relates to siblings. One thing that I am confident of is that if God is calling you to something, He is calling your whole family if you are married and have kids. I knew I wanted to love, adore, play with and parent more kids. I also knew that adoption was the path God was calling us as parents to walk down. As we prayed about the decision to adopt, we (Brian and I) were convinced that if we were meant to be parents again, then Aidan, Elise and Isaac were meant to be siblings again. As I look at Camille, it is hard to imagine our life without her. I am so thankful for her, that God found us to be the right family for her and that her birth mother made the hard choice to carry her to term. She is an amazing little girl and our whole family, each of us as individuals, are better for having her in our lives.
In these pictures, she is laughing and playing with Isaac. I am amazed by how perfectly they tend to compliment each other. Isaac and Camille are only 15 months apart in age and tend to be inseparable like twins. God knew that Camille was the perfect little sister for Isaac when he placed her in our family. I am just so thankful that God has not only my best interests but also those of my kids at heart. I am in complete awe of how much He loves us, and how His ways are perfect. Camille is an ideal example of His love!

What a Busy Homemaker!

It is funny how some things that I do make me feel like a REAL homemaker. Baking bread, hanging laundry on the line outside and making my own laundry soap, for example! I am not sure why these activities more than others bring out that feeling in me, maybe it goes back to what I imagine Aunt Bea would be doing in Mayberry. This morning I made a new batch of laundry soap. It only takes about twenty minutes, but it saves sooo much money. Regardless of the reasons why, making your own laundry is simply smart if you are on a budget(like most of us these days)! It is so simple to do, and the cost savings vs. buying pre-made is astounding! I would encourage anyone to give it a try! Now about a recipe, there are many online to choose from. The one I use I found at The Family Homestead a wonderful resource for christian homemakers and homeshoolers. Here is the link: http://www.thefamilyhomestead.com/

As we are tightening up our budget, I am looking for ways to stretch our money. I don't work outside the home, so I see saving money as my way of helping with our finances. What I have found is that I enjoy the things that I am doing to save money more than I thought I would. Making bread, hanging out clothes and making laundry soap are just small things in my day that I enjoy doing with the benefit of a big impact on our monthly budget. Living simply and being at home more has given me the focus to try some new things. I am still trying some budget friendly recipes and looking for more ideas. I'll keep you posted on what works!!

Adoption Update!

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Psalm 139:13-17

God is so good! It is so comforting to know that as much as I love each of my kids, God loves them more. He has them in His hands from the moment they are conceived, until they join Him in heaven someday. Amazing love! With a God like this in control, I don't need to worry.

With that said, many of you know our home study was supposed to be finished on Aug.22nd. I spoke with our social worker this week, and she informed me it has yet to be STARTED. She had some emergencies come up, and ours is the next one she will do. I was frustrated to say the least! I am often reminded that my timing is not always God's timing, and His timing is perfect. I am confident that when the child he has planned for our family is ready to join us, our paperwork will be ready as well! He loves that child already, more than I ever could, and He will not let paperwork stand in the way of His plans! We have also found that even though it may seem a county adoption is like a bureaucratic machine; God works in and through this "machine" to do His own will!

So, we continue to wait expectantly!

Something Heavenly

OK, now would be the time to click on the song Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real on the Playlist thing. (You may have to click on another song or two in order to get it to scroll into sight.) I think it is the perfect sound track for this blog entry.

I have a new favorite song. It is Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) by Sanctus Real. I am often amazed how a song can so perfectly put to words how I am feeling. This song does that for me at this point in my life. I have been feeling the stirring of the Holy Spirit, and a sense that God is doing something new in my life. To be honest, this scares me a little.

"Whatever Your Doing

Inside of Me

It Feels Like Chaos

But Somehow There's Peace

It's Hard to Surrender

To What I Can't See

But I'm giving in to

Something Heavenly"

A few weeks ago we had a guest speaker at church, who talked about letting God break your heart for the things that break His heart. He also said that sometimes we need to let God break our heart for something, and then sit in that brokenness for a while. This has been on my mind since he said those words because I want to keep from having a broken heart or feeling sorrow. Those are not emotions I tend to seek out. So, I have been asking myself why I am so reluctant to surrender my heart and emotions to God. One thing that came to mind was how overwhelming it can feel to look at the problems in this world. My heart breaks for the orphans of the AIDS pandemic, for kids languishing in foster care in America and poor single moms and families that can't make ends meet. Many of you who know Brian and I already know the people and children of Mexico hold a special place in our hearts. The problems in our world are so huge in scope and I seem so small and insignificant.

"Don't fail to do something, just because you can't do everything." Bob Pierce

This quote was in the Autumn 2008 WORLD VISION magazine. My heart ached when I read this quote. Apathy is something I struggle with. I have accepted the idea that because I can't do everything, or something BIG for God then I would do nothing. This has led to eyes that are closed and a heart that is hardened to what breaks God's heart.

" It's Time for a Milestone

Time to Begin Again

Re-evaluate

Who I Really Am

Am I Doing Everything

To Follow Your Will?

Or Just Climbing

Aimlessly Over These Hills?"

A new beginning. I think the place to begin is with prayer. I want God's heart for His people. I want to live a passionate life for him. I think in someways I have been wandering aimlessly over the hills of my life. It is time to re-evaluate some things. It is time for a milestone. I honestly don't know what that looks like right now. I am sure with prayer God will make His way clear. I will keep you posted.

Here is the video on Youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=In8oOMf6gBI&feature=related

**The words in Orange are from the song Whatever You're Doing (Something Heavenly) By Sanctus Real

We're Expecting!!

We are expecting! ... Well, maybe not in the traditional pregnancy sense of the word, but we are expecting just the same! We are almost finished with our home study process (awaiting word of the completion and approval by our social worker) for number five. We are all so excited to see what God is going to do, and who our new family member might be! All the kids want a boy. So, we talk often about how God really knows the right brother, sister, daughter or son to join our family! I can say I am waiting expectantly, not necessarily patiently!!
I recently stumbled across a great blog called "Urban Servant", written by another mom of a large family built by God through birth and adoption. One entry, in particular, really put into words how I feel while in the waiting period of the adoption process. So, rather that try to summarize her words, I will post the link instead!

http://urbanservant.blogspot.com/2008/08/maybe-baby-days.html

The Maybe Baby Days...exactly!

Potty Training Camille!!

This has been the first week of school for the older kids, which means it is quieter around our house. I always miss the kids when they head back to school! As the new year starts, I am praying about my role in the home and as a mom. God has really laid it on my heart to focus my time and energy on my kids and my home. This isn't to say I haven't been doing this, I just feel led to proceed with more prayer and purpose.

So, with my focus at home, I am purposefully spending less time away! This has allowed me to do something I have been putting off for a while now, potty training Camille. She has been more than ready and the slower pace of our days have created the perfect time to get this done. So here she is, proudly going on the potty. We took this picture because she went poo poo in the toilet for the first time right then! What a big girl!!!

God is so good to me. I cannot imagine spending my life on anything more important that raising our family. I am thankful that God has allowed me this privilege. I am also grateful that He has caused me to slow down and really focus on and enjoy this time of my life!

In Regards to TRANSPERANCY...

In regards to TRANSPARENCY... why it is difficult to open your eyes and really call sin what it is-SIN? Why is it that it sometimes seems easier to live with a sin than to acknowledge what it is, confess it to God and be not only forgiven but healed?
If I were to be truthful, I would have to say that I have struggled for most of my life with comparing myself to others. Lately, God has been showing me how this practice of comparison(and believe me, I have practiced this until perfect) is really sin in my life. When I compare myself with someone else, from my imperfect human perspective I never measure up. This has led me to lack confidence to reach out in His Name to those around me in need; to become apathetic about things I should be passionate about; and to doubt any calling or greater purpose in my life. As I have begun to see how far reaching the consequences of this sin has been in my life, I am saddened and want change!

If you confess your sins, He is Faithful and just and will forgive your sins and purify you from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

So, will this be the end of my struggle with comparing myself to others? I doubt it. I know that it will take time and practice to stop what seems like a habit for me. I also know that it is sin and that I am forgiven. It is a start.

Many Hands Make Light Work

Today, I had the most wonderful morning with the kids. Brian is out of town (fishing in Alaska, actually), So, it was just the five of of us. After breakfast we went out into the garden to do some clean-up work. We cleared two bed areas of okra, one squash and our bush beans, all of which were done for the season. We then prepared them for new plantings and cleaned up all the leaves and such around the beds. The kids harvested food for dinner tonight: bush beans, pole beans, a pepper and tomatoes for a salad. It was so much fun to see all the kids arms deep in the plants grabbing veggies. Even Camille, whose bowl of tomatoes was mostly green, was helping out. It was one of those amazing times as a family when everyone is happy, having fun and accomplishing something!! We talked about the phrase "many hands make light work" and how today was such a great example of this truth. God has been so good to me! I am so blessed every day, and tend to forget to stop, look around me and take stock in all God has blessed me with. Today was a day of fruition for me. When I originally started planning my garden, it was with a day like today in mind. I only wish Brian had been here to share it with us!!

The Simple Life...

The simple life... My thoughts drift toward Mayberry, or Walton's Mountain(I'm part of the TV generation). What do these shows really bring to mind? Family, church, home, hard work, fresh baked bread, and a sense of community. Lately, I have been wanting a simpler life. My plans were a place in the country, room for lots of kids to run and play, a huge garden and some chickens. Sounds a little like the Waltons, I know. God has other plans for our family right now, but I still feel he is calling me into a simpler life. I read in a blog somewhere(I have no idea where, if I find it again I will give credit where it's due) spend the limited time we have each day being productive or fruitful. This has really changed the way I evaluate the things I choose to spend my time on. It isn't about keeping myself busy, but almost the opposite. I want to be deliberate in the way I run my home, raise my kids, serve the Lord. I want to be fruitful and productive, which means I need to really be focused on the things I am doing. I cannot focus well when I am running crazily from one thing to the next and my home is not in order. So, as a new school year starts I am limiting my involvements outside my home. I will not be the Stay-at Home Mom Who is Never Home!!! My husband and I took out our grass in the backyard and replaced it with raised beds for gardening. I am not re-enrolling in MOPS, even though it is good, it isn't best for our family right now. I want more time to be at home with the little ones; they need a simpler life also. And yes, I've been working on my bread baking skills(this is really an art!) and we are thinking of building a brick oven in the backyard. I still plan on attending a women's Bible study, and serving at AWANA because these are productive, fruitful times for myself and the kids(and we LOVE them!!). The simple life, for me, is to love my husband, spend time with my family, do the hard work of running a home, serve the Lord at church, and do it all with a glad heart and in His name.

My First Blog Post!

So, why have I decided to start a blog? That is a really great question, with a funny answer. I am not sure why I have decided to do this. I do love to read other peoples' blogs (I am also an avid reader of memoirs!). I find people very interesting, and I enjoy learning about others' lives. I guess I have never really considered myself or my own life very interesting to other people. So, I haven't considered a blog of my own. Until now. I was praying and felt prompted by the Lord to be more transparent, and open with others. This has been on my heart for a few weeks now, TRANSPARENCY. Then somehow, here I am... with a blog to share who I am with anyone who chooses to read it. I hope something here will bless those who read it. I know that putting my journey into words, reflecting on and expressing what God's doing in my life will be a HUGE blessing to me!